Multifaceted Mama

Where does the time go?
Donovan decided on a college last night.  He is a future University at Albany – SUNY alumni!  That is the same college I went to as a freshman and 1 semester as a sophmore before I went into the Army.  He also got accepted into the Honors College, which sounds like something I would have LOVED to do when I went there.  Of course, it would have required that I actually have the mad crazy grades and ambition that the boy has!  Honestly, Albany wasn’t his first choice, but I truly think it is a better fit for him.  There is a huge variety of student organizations and things to get involved with, especially for someone like him that is so cause-oriented.  The school has so much to offer him that I just hope that he goes with an open mind and accepts it all.

Part of me is so jealous!  He is so much more ambitious and driven than I was at his age and he won’t squander his opportunites the way I did.  One of the only regrets I have out of life was that I didn’t get my degree.  I know that leaving college for the Army was the right choice for me, and I don’t regret for one second my time in the Army or the things I accomplished that I never otherwise would have been able to do.  But I totally squandered the opportunities I had while I was in the Army to finish.  I made a huge mistake in letting life get in the way and now I am almost 40 and feeling like a loser.  I am so insanely proud of him for being so focused and driven.

But there is a down side.  He is my first bird to leave my nest and that is killing me.  I can’t imagine my days without him around.  I am both looking forward to and dreading taking him to college that first day.  It doesn’t seem possible that it was 22 years ago that my parents and grandparents drove me to the same campus and I was the freshman.  How does the time fly so fast that my first born is ready to start his life on his own?  I am such an overly sentimental chick that the mere thought is enough to make me want to cry, from pure joy and pride and love, to sadness at my baby moving on, to regret that I squandered my own opportunities.

I also realized that when it comes time to take him to college, I am going to be alone.  It is one of those times that being an Army family truly sucks.  Corey is going to be in BNCOC when the time comes, so I am going to have to have my “first bird flies the coop” nervous breakdown all by myself.  He isn’t going to be there for the big day, to do all those “parenty” things that you do when your kid goes off on their own for the first time.  I just pray for Donovan’s sake that I don’t make a crybaby ass of myself!!

I love the Army and everything it gives our family, but there are definate downs, too.  Most of the time, I look at it as just a part of life, but sometimes the missed things are the things that memories are made from.  And sometimes I just want my rock around to keep me standing strong when I want to fall.  There is an oft-used saying in the Army, “The Army is the wife and I am just the mistress! Sometimes that bitch gets all the attention!“  Truer words have never been spoken!

Mood: confused  Weather: sunny, high of 82°

After only 5 delays, Soldier Daddy is finally home. And what a gigantic cluster &^%$ it was. Not only did he not make home for Christmas Eve, he didn’t make it home for Christmas either. I spent a good portion of Christmas day in a funk, which sucked more than a little! They were supposed to be wheels up from Kyrgysztan at about 0830 Christmas morning, and arrive in NY at around 0200 on the 26th. But the virtual FRG never put that up, which only served to put me in a state of panic!! Then, just after noon, the site changed the time of the ceremony from 0600 to “????”, which means that they have less than no idea. Not a good thing. The 1SG’s wife called me that evening to make sure I knew, and commiserated with me for a few minutes over it, but she didn’t know any more than I did. Good times. The site finally came up for about 15 minutes at about 9:30 that night and the ceremony was back on for 0600. So, 0200 came and Donovan and I headed to Fort Drum, not really sure what the hell was going on. Even with the ceremony supposedly back on, no one seemed to know if they were even in the air. Fabulous! Fortunately, just as we approached the turn to the main gate, Corey texted me and told me they were there! YIPPEE! So to the gym we headed for the too long wait for the ceremony, a VERY long three hours!

But finally, it was over, and we had Soldier Daddy and Jason and they were back on US soil! So, it is official,… now I live with 7 men. Good times!

Mood: happy

I woke up this morning with a serious case of Christmas Blues.  It has been a really rough year for me, not even counting the deployment, so Christmas cheer has been sadly lacking in my heart this year.  And the 5 delays to bring Corey home definately haven’t helped that, either!  To have him so close in time, if not in miles, and yet still missing Christmas is so hard on our whole family.  Until yesterday morning, when he was delayed yet again, I started to believe that he would be home with us in time, and I started to let myself get excited about it, breaking the cardinal rule of Army Wifedom.  NEVER let yourself get excited until you hear that they are wheels up because something ALWAYS  happens.  I should know that better than anyone, considering my own time as a soldier!  Especially since, as my friend Carol says, if I didn’t have bad luck, I would have no luck at all!

All I wanted, more than anything, is a hug.  I just want to feel his arms around me.  I want to feel safe, and loved, and whole again.  That’s it.  But no matter how much it sucks to not have him here, I am grateful.  Grateful because he IS coming home, when so many don’t get to.  Grateful that we have our family, and that our lives could be so much worse.  So, while it kinda sucks, it isn’t the end of the world and, with luck, by 0700 on Boxing Day, my Soldier Daddy will be with me again.

Mood: grateful

We are two weeks from the end of deployment now,… FINALLY!  I still refuse to get excited until the very day he comes home, though.  I know how that sounds, but I am also more than well aware of how often things can change at the last moment.  As it is, he was supposed to be home on December 16th but got pushed back to Christmas Eve.  Hell, we weren’t even 3 weeks out when he got extended for 3 months last deployment!!

Two of his soldiers are going to be staying with us for a few months, so I have been busy getting ready for them, too.  One of them is getting out of the Army, so he is staying with us until he gets out.  He is flying in tonight, although I won’t see him for a few more days since he is going to visit his wife.  The poor guy just got married in May while he was R&R and then had to leave her to go back.  So he will be going to see her just about every chance he gets while he stays here.  The other guy gets back with Corey on Christmas Eve.   He is PCSing to Arizona and it isn’t worth moving his wife & kids back for just a few months so he is bunking in with us, too. 

So imagine life for me,…!  7 males and only 1 me!!

Happy Veteran’s Day to all of my brothers and sisters in uniform!  I also thank the families of all of those in uniform, because without the love and support from family, sometimes that selfless service would be impossible.  And a special thank you to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we may live with freedom.

Today is one of those days when I very much miss my uniform.  I wish sometimes that I was still standing with my fellow soldiers.  But I will admit, until I got out and became an Army wife, I didn’t give the military families the respect they deserve.  They sacrifice so much for their service member and they do it largely without recognition.  So thank you so much for all you do for our military people.

I got thinking about Veteran’s Day a few days ago and what it meant to me as a former female soldier.  I thought about the women that have come before me and how much I owe to them.  During the American Revolution, women served as nurses, water bearers, and laundresses to the troops.  While not military, they were definately the forebearers to women in uniform.  We have come a long way since then!  I found a great page highlighting the service of women throughout American history HERE.  Go check out!

And, hey, go hug a vet today and say thanks!  Don’t forget to throw some love to Fort Hood, and to our men and women in Iraq, Afghanistan and ALL over the world!

Mood: appreciative  Weather: sunny, high of 56°  TV: The Today Show