I have spent the last few days lost in thought, I guess. I suppose coming to startling realizations about your past will do that to you! It has definately made me think about some of the choices I have made in my life. It made me wonder where and who I would be had I made different choices and taken a different path in my life. It also made me think about the reasons why I made the choices that I did and wonder what else I could have been wrong about. That is more than a little disturbing!
But those “what if’s” are almost as dangerous as regrets, and I certainly don’t believe in them. But my “what if’s” are more about myself. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile the me of the past with the me of now. I get that people change, and they should. But sometimes I feel like I have lost some important part of myself, something that made me ME. And that is depressing as hell. I feel like I have spent half my life pleasing other people and being what they what they wanted me to be and that has made me forget who I am sometimes. And that pretty much sucks so I guess I better figure it out and fix it.