Jun 30 2009

My life in pics & my devil child!

Posted on 30 June 2009 by Kim

This is what happens when the big brother gets made the slave of the little brother! Which, in turn, means Mama gets the camera out to document the weirdness! As always, clickable for larger pics and captions.

And a pic of His Royal Highness, as I found him this morning,… in my bed!

And, not to be left out, there are two new groups of pictures of life in Afghanistan HERE, also under “camou stuff” in the menu un the section for the current deployment.

My devil child,…
That would be Ty. Last night, I found the evil critter michievious child wandering about with an uncapped black Sharpie. I was immediately thrown into a panic, envisioning all the places that marker could have, well, left its mark. Found nothing obvious. Well, when getting some clothes for the day out of his room, Ka’lani and Scott found it. I will give them kudos, however, because instead of immediately telling on him, they tried to clean it up and have his back, some brotherly love I RARELY see. But alas, Sharpie + ivory wall = no easy cleaning. The one task that even a Magic Eraser can’t handle. All over the light switch and the wall around it. So, I am in the market for a new kid paintbrush and some paint to clean up his indiscretion. &*&^*&@#*&^!

Jun 28 2009

How come things just never change?

Posted on 28 June 2009 by Kim

I feel so completely beaten down that all I want to do is cry, all the time. How is it possible to love the people in my family so much, and still want to escape as much as I do? There are days when I just want to scream and scream and scream. But what good is that? None. If there is anything I have learned, it is that screaming doesn’t work. It is all too easy to dismiss anything a person says when they are screaming at you, It is just too easy to blame it on emotions rather than actually listen to the words and their meaning. And try being the lone female in a house of guys. Why is it okay for a bunch of guys to totally deny the legitmacy of anything I may say just because I have ovaries? Because that is what it is and that is totally and completely sexist and insulting. But then they turn around and excuse away all their bad behavior on the fact that “it’s a guy thing”. Like having testicles is a legitmate excuse for treating me like I am nothing. The youngest three aren’t doing it as much yet, but they will unless the other two change their ways and soon. And I just don’t see that happening.

I see their faces, Corey and Donovan, when I try to explain this stuff to them. And I see their eyes glaze over as they are dismissing me in their heads without even trying to listen and understand. I hear the words they say to me, the same ones every time, so much that they could be a recording. Words that have no meaning anymore because there is nothing to back them up. Words that are said with such a patronizing tone, only said to calm down the hysterical female that doesn’t know what she is talking about.

Do they know how alone that makes me feel? How worthless? Do they really care? They say they do,… every time. I am the glue that keeps this family together, the one person that has everyone’s back, and they have no problem taking advantage of that. So how do they think I feel that they use me as much as they do, and yet are so quick to blow me off? Again, do they really care?

Admittedly, Corey is better in a lot of ways than he used to be, but a lot of that was situational stuff, situations that no longer exist in our family. So, while it is all well and good that we are past that stuff, it doesn’t mean the rest of it magically disappeared, too. The two of them together are just too much. I have tried to tell them repeatedly what they are doing to me, and just how beaten down I feel. And they either just don’t get it or they don’t care. Frankly, I think it is like everything else. They hear me, and dismiss me as a hysterical female. And there is nothing hysterical about it. It is one really unhappy woman trying to make her family work for everyone, including herself.

Jun 26 2009

The day coffee couldn’t cure,…

Posted on 26 June 2009 by Kim

Yesterday was one of those days that just basically sucked. Usually coffee will cure most anything, but it definately didn’t work yesterday. Maybe it was because there was no chocolate involved. I don’t know, but I definately could have done without the day. And why is it that once 1 buttheaded yard ape delightful child decides to be ornery, all of the children decide to be buttheaded yard apes ornery? It was a day of one thing right after another, and me boring myself saying the same things over and over again. Do they conspire to drive me insane, or does it just come naturally? I was so frustrated that I thought I was going to lose my mind, what little there is left to lose.

I did get to chat with Corey on Yahoo last night, which started out as the bright spot of my day, but, in keeping with the rest of the day, ended up feeling like a Kim-bashing. We got talking about the Donodrama that was my day and it just went downhill from there. It was a whole lot of “you shouldn’t do this”, “you shouldn’t do that” and I pretty much ended up completely feeling beaten down. In his defense, he said he wasn’t trying to criticize, but when you are giving your wife a laundry list of what she does wrong,… you are criticizing. He has a right to his own opinion and I respect that, but this wasn’t opinions, it was just judgements and it hurt. I think it especially hurt because he just is never here and he was judging me on things he doesn’t ever see. He is deployed or in the field or off playing GI Joe so much of the time, and even when he is here, he works so much, that his time home is limited. I just needed a shoulder and some support, not to be made to feel even more worthless. And whether he meant it to be that way or not, that is the way it came out. I ended up bawling my brains out, on web cam. Lovely. It’s always great to have these convos over IMs and web cams. And, of course, in the middle of it, he had to go. I totally understand that, and it wasn’t his fault, but it sucks because I have to be upset on Army time, too.

I gave up my Armycareer, something I LOVED, to stay home and take care of my family. With 4 kids, and the state of the world right now, it was better for us all if one parent was a civilian. I made the choice to get out and I stand by it. But I didn’t sign up for being treated like everyone’s maid and emotional punching bag. I just wish for one second they (Donovan & Corey) would really think about it. I am the go-to girl for everyone in this house. There are 5 of them, but only one of me. All of them are so focused on their own things that they tend to forget that there are other people also depending on me, that their things are not the only ones that I have to deal with. Never mind that I might have needs of my own. Add to that, they are 5 males, and I am the only female. And that gets old. I am so sick of hearing “it’s a guy thing” every time they are disgusting or rude or whatever. I DON’T CARE! When does it get to be a girl thing, then?! I mean, come on, that is just a lazy ass excuse to let stuff go. And Goddess forbid, I ever point any of these things out. The constant disgusting body noises? I get eyerolls and “it’s a guy thing”. Well, maybe it is a girl thing that I don’t want to hear and smell it ALL THE TIME! The constant picking up after them ALL? I get the “get over it, it’s no big deal” look and there it stays. How respectful. Roll your eyes, give me dirty looks when I ask for help. Yeah, I feel great. Yet I am the glue that holds this family together.

And today, Donovan will act like nothing happened. And if I talk to Corey, it will be the same. Because they figure that since a night has passed, the clock is reset and all is well. Well, all ISN’T well, and the clock ISN’T reset. And nobody cares enough to do anything about it. I hear all the nice words, but they mean nothing without actions to back them up. You know what would make a huge difference? Some simple acknowledgement and understanding of how miserable I feel. To know that they actually get it and have taken the time to think about it. And I won’t get it.

Jun 25 2009

Up way too early for no good reason.

Posted on 25 June 2009 by Kim

The first day of summer vacation and I am up at 0700. What is up with that BS?! Dedication to my eldest, apparently, who had to be at his friend Ashley’s at 0830, a destination he very nearly did NOT make. Why? Because of the usual arrogant, condescending attitude that I have to deal with on an almost daily basis. It started out as just little things, things that didn’t need to be blown up into anything more. But it was the snotty attitude I got when the little things were pointed out. THAT is what really ticked me off. It was overdone and not necessary and thoroughly disrespectful. I just don’t think it is necessary to respond to every question or comment with snottiness. Nor do I think it is necessary to talk to me like I am a dog with a learning disability. Sometimes I just want to ram my head against the wall, but that never really works for me, for two reasons. One is that I don’t like the resulting bruise and pain, and the second is that ramming my own head seems like I am getting punished twice, and that just doesn’t work for me. But I can’t ram his head against a wall, so I am stuck with just feeling like a miserable bitch. Which I do. Most of the time.

If the unmitigated snottiness wasn’t enough, there was his total lack of understanding of why I was less than pleased with him. No recognition whatsoever of what I was talking about. So instead of trying to be objective, he responded with either condescending remarks or looks that clearly stated that he thought I was either a blithering idiot or hopelessly insane. Apparently, the thought that I might actually have a point never occurred to him. Because nothing will endear you to your mother more than treating her like she is a complete dolt unworthy of basic respect.

I have given the same lectures so many times now that I bore even myself. When I feel the need for a lecture bubbling up and my frustration level rises, I feel the possibility of an aneurysm coming on. And the potential risk to my health isn’t even worth it because he takes them to heart as much as the dry wall would. Fabulous.

Jun 23 2009

This & That, and pictures, too!

Posted on 23 June 2009 by Kim

My kindergarten graduate!
I am so glad there is waterproof mascara, because I SO needed it for graduation! It wasn’t just a kindergarten ceremony this year; they had a “moving on” ceremony for the 5th graders because they are all headed to the Middle School next year. So the littles were walked down the aisle by 5th graders and led to their spots on the risers on stage. It was really cute to see the big kids taking care of the littles! And my kid was THAT kid, the one that is silly and everyone giggles at. The moment that boy hit the stage, he robo-walked to his spot. It was hysterically funny! When they called his name to come to the front of the stage to receive his Awesome Artist Award, little man robo-walked his way up there, further amusing the crowd! Later on, there was a section in the ceremony that I had been stressing about for a few weeks prior. Each kid was brought up to the microphone and they have to introduce themselves and tell everyone what they want to be when they grow up. Ty is so self-conscious sometimes with strangers because of how he talks, and I was afraid of how he would handle it. But he robo-walked up there and said loudly and proudly “My name is Tyler Deister, and I want to be a fireman!” I was more proud at that moment than I can even explain! Here are some pics from graduation, all of which are clickable for larger views and captions!

Father’s Day events
The kids and I headed to Potsdam to have a Father’s Day dinner with my dad. As I was running around, trying to get everyone ready to go, I managed to slam my right hand in the door. So now it is sporting various shades of black, is lumpy and swollen and hurts like hell. Because of it, I managed to get Donovan, who is NOT a fan of driving, to drive us the whole way there AND back. And his grandmother got him to drive Dad in his car to and from the restaurant through town. An amazing feat! We went to the local Chinese place for dinner, which turned out to be an adventure in pain for me. They led us in, but hadn’t listened to how many people we had, so they took us to a table for 8,… and there were 10 of us. So, they led us to a different part of the restaurant around the corner. As I turned the corner, one of the waitresses barrelled around it pushing a HUGE bussing cart. She wasn’t even looking where she was going,… until she met with resistance. Which would be my body. The bin on the top buried itself in my solar plexus and totally knocked the wind out of me. To add insult to injury, she ran the thing over my foot,… my bad foot. I almost threw up right then and there from the pain. It was one of those moments when the entire restaurant witnessed it and, in one voice, went “OOOH” in that sympathetic, “that must have hurt” voice. Which it did. So much that I was naseous and barely ate a thing.

But life went on and we headed back to their house for dessert and gifts. My stepsisters baby daddy brought Kai over to see me, so I did a LOT of nephew cuddling! Which also means that my camera was in use,… as you can see below. All clickable for larger views and captions!

Fowler Elementary Play Day
Every year during the last week of school, Fowler Elementary has a Play Day. They do some activites in the classrooms with the kids and the parents and then they have round-robin games outside. Parents can eat lunch with their kids and play on the playground, and then they have a little talent show in the afternoon. So, I roped Donovan into going with me and we spent the day at school. They gave parents coffee and donuts in the library, which was definately needed, although the coffee could have stripped paint! Then they sent us to the classrooms for a reading activity with the kids. Donovan went to Scott’s room and I went with Ty. Then it was outside for fun and games! During which I managed to forget to use the sunscreen on myself and I now look like a blonde tomato! Very sexy! Pics below!

After lunch, the kids played on the playground until the talent show. But a huge part of the playground is roped off and off-limits. Why? Because a local killdeer decided to nest in the middle of it! So it is roped off and the bird and her eggs are surrounded by cones, and no one can play in that area! I have to imagine, as a mother, that that bird is losing her mind with anxiety!! Here are some pics, all clickable!