Scott: Mom, let’s go eat there! (pointing to the TV)
The Mama: (looking up from her book at Scott) Where? Why?
Scott: Because they have CUTE girls as waitresses!!
The Mama: (belatedly looking at the TV) Um, NO!
Scott: Why not?
The Mama: Because that is a restaurant for older men, not kids.
Scott: They have restaurants just for men?
The Mama: Yes, Scott, they do. Trust me.
Scott: But, why?
Donovan: (muttering not so quietly) ‘Cause they are nekkid there!
The Mama: DONOVAN!
This conversation brought to you by Paradise Cove, an all-nude “gentlemen’s club” in Syracuse.
Scott: What are they talking about? What kind of jelly is KY? Strawberry? I want to try some. Can we get it?
The Mama: Um, no. It isn’t that kind of jelly. Please go watch TV in the playroom.
Scott: But why are they eating in bed? You aren’t supposed to eat in your room.
The Mama: They are adults, they are allowed. Now, go, please.
Scott: But why are they all mussed up and why was there a marching band?
The Mama: It must have been a really good sandwich. GO!!
THIS conversation brought to you by the makers of KY jelly and their new his/hers product line.
Scott: Mom, what’s a Trojan?
The Mama: Uh, what? A Trojan? Why do you ask?
Scott: I saw an ad for Trojans, but there weren’t any Romans.
The Mama: Different kind of Trojan. Don’t worry about it.
Scott: But I want to know.
The Mama: Well, Scott, it is a product called a condom that adults use to keep from having a baby.
Scott: Like ketchup?
The Mama: Yeah, Scott. Exactly like that.
Scott: I don’t get it.
The Mama: Neither do I.
This conversation was brought to you by Trojan condoms, great on hot dogs. Probably not my greatest mothering moment, but what else do you say to “like ketchup”?
All of this before 10pm,… oh, my!