I discovered a new blog today, Effervescense by Kylie. Kind of ironic, considering the things I have been thinking about lately, that I discovered her blog on the day she posts about change. It's all about how you don't have to be anyone or anything other than who or what you are in order to do something new. My whole thing lately has been about change. Wanting a change. Needing a change. At first read, without a lot of thought, it seemed that the point was accepting yourself as you are. Which, I suppose, was part of her point, but seemingly contradicts what my little quest is all about. I read it again and realized that it was more than that. The things that don't need change are just that. Things. They aren't the things that matter, that are important. They are the things that, in the grand scheme of things, just aren't as hugely important as we sometimes make them. It was a good reminder to not get caught up in the little things and forget to live.
I read a comment on Facebook, discussing this post by Dominee of Blessing Manifesting, that got me thinking. The post was about the ups and downs of life, and that sometimes the spiral of emotions that happen can trap you, making you spend more time dealing with them than embracing the good stuff in life. The point of the comment was that negative feelings have the inexplicably strong power to linger far longer than positive feelings. I never thought of it that way, but it is true. And why is that? Why is it so much easier to believe and /or dwell on the negative than the positive? And how do you balance the good with the bad, and not let the bad overwhelm you and take over? Because the bad accumulates. Like the moon, sometimes I feel like life waxes and wanes. There are good times and there are bad times. Even my individual days seem to wax and wane with my energy level. But all too often it seems like there are far more waning moments that waxing ones. It is draining. It seems like one thing after another has been happening. No sooner does one thing happen and another hits, before I have even gotten a chance to deal with the first. It is piling negative on top of negative. It gets overwhelming and saps the ability to see anything positive right out of you. Yes, I manage from day to day and I wouldn't say that I am depressed, but it has definitely made me less than what I could be. It is hard to remember that life is a cycle and it will wax again for me.
The brain in my head tells me that it is ridiculous to let the negative stuff have such power over me. But the heart and soul have a hard time letting it go. And it affects every part of you. Negative things in one area of your life can't seem to help but to spill over into other parts of your life. It affects how you interact with those around you, how you react to yourself. It colors every part of you. But where is the line? Because there is one. Letting it all go without acknowledging it or learning its lessons isn't good either. And when the negativity is with those people around you? Yes, it is easy to say "cut them out of your life". But sometimes there are reasons why you can't do that. There is a fine line between letting the negative stuff those people throw your way sllide by and allowing yourself to be a doormat. And that right there is where I am at. I have been used, taken advantage of, betrayed, and a doormat. My heart and soul wants to be open, but doesn't want to be hurt like that again. So how do you balance? That is the question I am trying to answer.