I have been thinking a lot about the questions I asked of the world in my post last night. I wanted answers, answers on where the line was. I finally realized that, no matter how much I want neat and clean answers, there aren't any. Because life isn't always neat and clean. And trying to avoid negativity altogether can be just as unhealthy as wallowing in it. And, in that, is where at least some of my answers lie.
Over the last several years, I have had more than my fair share of the negative to the point where I am practically obsessed with avoiding it. But that is the wrong path to follow, too. I have been on this kick for serenity, love, and happiness… to the point that I am practically allergic to even the thought of or potential for negativity and drama. But the fact is life isn't always serene, full of love, and joyously happy. And, really, would we be able to appreciate those things if the dark weren't there to compare them to? With light comes dark. With happiness comes sadness. With peacefulness comes chaos. I realized that you really can't avoid negativity. In truth, trying to can actually make it worse. True, you may avoid manifesting it outside yourself, ,but keeping it to yourself is just as bad, if not worse. Inside, trying to ignore it, just fills you with regret, hurt, anger, and resentment. It creates even more because negativity breeds negativity. You have to give yourself permission to feel, both the good and the bad. And somewhere along the lline, I have gotten in the habit of forgetting that.
The key, I think, is in how you handle the bad stuff. You have to acknowledge it and deal with it or it will just continue to eat at you. But it almost feels like I am cheating on myself and my quest to live more positively to give in to the anger. One of my spiritual gurus, Dominee of Blessing Manifesting, has written a series of 4 e-books called Sacred Journey Through the Seasons. The idea behind the books is fascinating, using the themes and wisdom of each season and applying them to your life. I am reading the summer one right now and it is full of insight and ideas. One of the sections is on emotional self-care, and there was a passage that couldn't possibly be more on point for what I am dealing with right now. In it, she points out that the key to letting go of anger is to hold on to it. Now, that sounds totally contradictory at first, but it isn't at all. As she says, you can't let go of anything unless you are holding it in the first place. Ignoring it and not acknowledging isn't the same thing as "letting it go" because you haven't really dealt with it. And it will keep coming back, becoming worse every time. You have to hold onto it, accept it, do what you need to do about it, and then, and only then, let it go. Without doing those things, it will never really "let go" of you.
One of the other things that Dominee does is oracle readings, some with oracle decks and others with tarot decks. You can choose one of eight decks, each of which she explains on her site. She also offers you a choice of reading styles, from one to five card pulls. She also has the option for you to ask a specific question or to state a specific intention for the reading. I recently ordered a three-card reading with the Oracle of Shadows and Light, with a question of my own. I got the reading in my e-mail this morning and was stunned. The way she presents it to you is pretty intense and unlike any others I have done. She creates a beautifully done PDF for you, containing everything you need to know about your reading. She includes a picture of each card and explains its meaning and how it could apply to you. At the end of the cards, she provides a conclusion that she has drawn from your reading. And after that, like a bonus gift, she gave me a series of five journal prompts (and the space to write them if I printed it out) for each of the three cards. The questions are all designed to make you explore the meanings and how they may apply to you. But the most stunning part of it was how completely accurate each and every card pulled was for me. Just the meaning of the cards, even without Dominee's interpretations, were a total representation of who I am right now, what I am feeling, and of the questions I have for myself. And Dominee? Her intuitiveness and spirituality shine through the reading. She has a beautiful way about her and it shows in this. She can bring into words the very things that I am struggling with and make the confusing suddenly clear. And I love, love, love that she doesn't sugar coat and try to make the reading all lightness and fluffiness. It is real, sometimes raw, and honest. And that makes me trust her even more.